Breathe (His Command Book 5) Read online

  Marshall wanted to agree, but his brain was still too disjointed from his body. Instead, he savored the way Oliver kept holding his hand and the way their fingers slotted together. How had he never noticed Oliver’s hands before? They were capable, sturdy hands with fingers more slender than Marshall’s own. A model’s hands. Oliver should have been a hand model.

  Marshall was fairly certain that it was the drugs talking, but as long as they were talking about Oliver, he didn’t mind listening.

  “I’m really excited to get to have this new start with you.” Oliver’s cheeks flushed. Since he’d taken Marshall’s hand, he’d adjusted positions so he was sitting by the bedside instead of stooped over Marshall’s body. “I mean... we’re really excited. If I’m eating for two, I get to speak for two, right? That’s how it works?”

  Two. Oliver was speaking for two. Tears welled up in Marshall’s eyes and streamed down the sides of his face silently. How could he have forgotten? The tiny family he’d stumbled into was there to keep him safe through his time of need. He’d done this for them.

  How quickly life changed from stagnant to overflowing.

  “So anyway, I was thinking of baby name ideas while I was waiting for them to finish tinkering in your chest.” Oliver squeezed his hand gently. “I figured the best way to get you on board with what I had to say was to inform you of my choices while you’re drugged. That way, there’s a good chance that you’ll think they were your ideas, and everyone wins.”

  Marshall narrowed his eyes in mild confusion, which caused Oliver to laugh. The sound was music, and Marshall let it sink into his bones and fill him with its joy.

  This was good. This was so good.

  “So, boy names. My absolute top pick is Caleb. Caleb Alcrest has a ring to it, right? And I think it works out pretty well no matter what kind of personality he has. He can be manly and be a really rugged Caleb, or he can be soft and bookish and sweet without it sounding weird. Like, how many Seths do you meet in a library? Definitely not a library name. I don’t want to force our future child into a life path he doesn’t want by giving him a one-track name.”

  Laughing was a bad idea right now, but an instinctive part of Marshall wanted to do it, anyway.

  “My absolute bottom pick for boy names is Reginald. Cedric and I already had that conversation, and it’s not happening. I will, however, be open to debate about Reggie as a middle name, just so I can mess with him a little.”

  Another smile spread Marshall’s lips.

  “Girl names are like this. My top pick for a girl is Olivia, because if I’m going to be sick as hell for the next seven months, then I deserve to have a living monument in my honor.”

  Marshall wanted to laugh, but couldn’t.

  “No, I’m teasing. I would never do that to a child... or to you. My actual top pick is Evelyn. I think it’s pretty. I don’t know if I have a bottom pick for a girl name, as long as it’s not something really out of style. I’m sorry if I’m rambling. If you want me to shut up, you can squeeze my hand. I’m just...” Oliver took a breath. “I’m just so happy to see you. You have no idea how worried I was.”

  Marshall thought that he did, but he couldn’t say as much.

  “And now that we’re through this, I feel like we can get through anything. It’s... weird, but good. It’s like when something in your life changes drastically, and sometimes it can be something really small, like getting a really dramatic haircut, but it shakes you up in this way that makes everything seem new and hopeful.”

  New and hopeful.

  Out with the old, in with the new.

  “And I guess I’m just jittery from that.” Oliver lifted Marshall’s hand and kissed his knuckles. Marshall longed for his soft lips. “It’s like everything is sharper and clearer, like my whole world has been redefined… and it’s scary and incredible that I can feel that way about someone else. I guess all of it is still so dreamlike to me. A few months ago, I was sure we would never meet, but here we are, married. You’ve got new lungs, and we’re going to have a baby. A baby. I’m excited about a baby. If you ask Cedric, you’ll know how unusual that is.”

  Oliver kissed his hand again, a tiny sign of affection that made Marshall ache for him all the more. Then, he laid it down by Marshall’s side tenderly.

  “My department head and HR signed off on giving me the next two weeks off, even though I’m a new employee,” Oliver said. “I thought that it’d be good if I was with you on a full-time basis to make sure that you can get to and from all your appointments. There’s going to be quite a few in the first month or so, and everyone’s been really good about making sure I have the time I need to get you to them. I, um... I’ve asked people to keep it quiet around work, but I don’t know if that’s going to be possible. I know that HR is... chatty.”

  David, of course. Marshall grinned. He didn’t care who knew. If anyone wanted to stir trouble, they could bring it directly to him and he would deal with it.

  “We’re going to make this work. I’m going to make this work. You can count on me.”

  Marshall knew that he could. Theirs was an unconventional relationship, but Marshall had never been a conventional person. What they’d found was right for them, and even if those outside their relationship couldn’t understand, the fact that they were happy was all that mattered.

  No one’s opinion would keep him from enjoying Oliver. He’d met another lonely soul, and in each other, they’d found love. He wouldn’t give that up for anything.

  “I’m going to see if a nurse will come by so we can find out about the ventilator,” Oliver said. “I miss hearing your voice. There’s this part of me that’s itching to hear you talk again. I’ve got it bad, don’t I?”

  Marshall gave him a fond look. The longer he stayed awake, the more his mind escaped the fog of anesthesia. His tongue no longer felt like leather, and his body, while weak, didn’t seem so alien anymore.

  “Also, I want you to think about what you want to eat as your first meal once you’re out of here.” Oliver stood, then thought better of his decision. He leaned down over Marshall and pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead. “We’re going to have a feast while we sit on the couch and watch whatever you want. It’s going to be amazing. After all this hospital food, I think we both need it. Plus, if I can keep anything down these days, I consider it a victory. I heard the whole nausea thing might get better as the pregnancy progresses, and I actually might start craving things, but I’m not holding my breath. I’ll pop as many ginger candies as I can the morning of your release and we’ll take advantage. Okay?”

  Marshall’s heart was in agreement, and he did his best to express it through his eyes.

  “I’ll be back soon,” Oliver promised. “I’m just going to see if I can find a nurse now that you’re awake-awake. If you end up falling back asleep when I’m gone, I won’t hold it against you.”

  Then he was gone. Marshall stared a while longer at the ceiling, the light no longer so hard on his eyes. He counted the holes in the ceiling tile overhead, then closed his eyes and waited for time to pass. Oliver would return soon, and then not long after that, his ventilator would be removed. Hours would turn into days, and days into weeks, and soon, this whole ordeal would be behind them.

  Nothing would hold them back anymore.

  28

  Oli

  “Well… this is certainly unexpected.”

  Oli lifted his head from where it had been resting on the examination table. He narrowed his eyes at Dr. Volach, his obstetrician. “That’s kind of the opposite of the thing you should be saying,” Oli told him. “What you should be telling me is that nothing is unexpected at all, that the pregnancy is going fine, and that the baby is doing its super-normal growing thing.”

  Dr. Volach pressed the wand against a few different places and tutted under his breath, eyes glued to a screen attached to a bendable arm anchored to the ceiling.

  “Doctor?” Oli asked hesitantly. “What’s going on?”
br />   “It looks like we missed something at the ten-week ultrasound. Well… at least we’ve caught it now.”

  “You really need to stop with the whole ambiguous thing.” Oli was five seconds away from jumping off the examination table. “Can you please tell me what’s going on? The baby’s fine, right? What did you find that’s so unexpected?”

  Dr. Volach hummed. The wand he’d firmly pressed to Oli’s stomach had finally come to a stop after several moments of poking and prodding. “It looks like you’ll be having twins.”

  “I— what?” Oli tried to sit up, realized that was a horrible idea, and laid back down on the examination table. “That’s not a very funny joke, doctor. I’d know—I make enough of them.”

  “I’m quite serious.” Dr. Volach turned the monitor around so the screen was in Oli’s field of vision. “If you look here, you’ll notice the first rounded shape, which is duplicated here.” The doctor’s hand moved to gesture at the screen as he spoke, pointing out two grainy gray rounded shapes surrounded by small pools of darkness. “Those are your children’s heads. And then, although it’s a little harder to make out...”

  “No, no, I believe you.” Nausea twisted Oli’s stomach, and he had a feeling it wasn’t just morning sickness. “So... just so we’re on the same page, you’re one hundred percent sure that it’s twins? It’s not like... I don’t know. One baby and some foreign body? An unfortunate potato, or um… I don’t know.”

  “I do know,” Dr. Volach said, more confident than Oli had sounded since the session began. “Unless potatoes now have heartbeats, you’re carrying twins.”

  “Two heartbeats,” Oli mumbled. He hadn’t thought about that before. He was twenty weeks pregnant now, which sounded like an awfully long time, and felt like even longer. The sudden overwhelming urge to stroke his baby bump consumed him, and he had to hold back from reaching down and smearing his fingers in the lubricating goo Dr. Volach was using alongside the wand. “Are they... are they good heartbeats?”

  “They’re very good heartbeats. Strong. Steady. You have every reason to be proud. It looks like both of them are doing just fine.” Dr. Volach paused. “Would you like to know their sexes?”

  “I—” Oli closed his eyes. “No, thank you. My husband couldn’t be here today, and I want us to find out at the same time. We’re going to wait until they’re delivered. He, um... well, I guess I feel bad even finding out it’s not just one baby before he did.”

  Marshall was barely two months out of recovery, and with the weakened state of his body following surgery, he’d been advised to stay as far away from public places as possible in order to minimize his risk of illness. He’d wanted to come to Oli’s appointment, but Oli had very firmly told him that it was out of the question. But now? Oli wanted to cry and laugh all at once, and he wished Marshall was there to share that sentiment with him.

  Twins.

  He hadn’t even wanted one baby, and now he was going to have two.

  “Well, when you do tell him, you can inform him that it looks like the pregnancy is going wonderfully, and that you’ve been doing an excellent job of making sure these babies have exactly what they need.” Dr. Volach took the wand from Oli’s stomach and wiped up the gel. As soon as he was able, Oli pulled his shirt back down. “With twins, there is an elevated risk of early delivery. I want to assure you that it’s normal, and should it happen, everything should be fine.”

  “Should is a dangerous word,” Oli remarked. “But, um, thank you. I guess I have some more shopping to do. We... weren’t expecting multiples.”

  “Very few people are.” Dr. Volach continued to clean up his station. “Aliana at the reception desk will book your next appointment and make sure that you’re set to go. Please make sure you check in with her before you leave.”

  “Right.” Oli hopped off the table, one hand supporting his baby bump from beneath like he was afraid it might break. It had to be cramped with two babies in there. He wondered if that meant that every step he took bumped them around. “I’ll make sure to see her. Thank you for your time today, Dr. Volach.”

  “I look forward to seeing you again soon,” Dr. Volach replied.

  Oli didn’t. He’d never felt more nervous in his life.

  Two babies to care for. Two tiny lives that would be forever linked to his own.

  An instant family.

  A blush burned through Oli’s cheeks as he headed for the door and went to follow up with Aliana. He needed to get home to Marshall.

  “Marshall?” Oli asked timidly as he came in through the front door. “Are you home?”

  “Where else would I be?” Marshall’s voice drifted in from the living room.

  “I mean. I don’t know. Out.” Oli kicked off his shoes and set his messenger bag down by the door. He made sure the door was locked, then made his way to the living room to find Marshall. Marshall was in the middle of lifting weights—tiny, five-pound dumbbells that he’d been instructed to start off with during his rehabilitation therapy. When Oli came into the room, he finished his repetition and set the weights down.

  “I have no intention of leaving home for a while.” Concern had already shaded Marshall’s features. “You look upset. Did something happen at the appointment?”

  “Nothing... bad.” Oli hesitated. He didn’t know if Marshall would think twins were a bad thing or not, so he corrected his statement. “I mean, nothing bad as in I’m healthy and the pregnancy is going well, so please don’t worry about that.”

  “But bad in some other way?” Marshall dabbed at his forehead with a face cloth, then stepped forward to close some of the distance between them. The scent of him was on the air, the deep notes of alpha Oli was still crazy over stronger now that he was exercising. It sank through Oli like a stone, and as the ripples of its presence spread, he couldn’t help but feel like everything was going to be okay. Marshall was safety, protection, and love. Even if they weren’t ready for twins, Marshall would make it right. No matter how injured he was, he wouldn’t let Oli down. Oli had to be just as strong in return. They could do this as long as they stuck together.

  “I mean...” Oli struggled to find words. “Maybe?”

  “Maybe?” Marshall took Oli’s hand, his skin warm to the touch and his grip firm.

  Oli crumpled. He squeezed his eyes shut like he was about to hurtle down a steep drop on a roller coaster he wasn’t prepared for. “We’re having twins.”

  Marshall’s grip didn’t change. He didn’t speak. Oli opened his eyes again to read the expression on Marshall’s face, expecting to find panic. He found wonder instead. Marshall’s eyes were wide, but the softness in his gaze diffused any negativity. “Twins?”

  “Twins,” Oli confirmed. “Like, two. The doctor didn’t say there were more, but at this point, I’m not holding my br—”

  Marshall tugged Oli against his chest, and before Oli could brace himself, he’d drawn him into a tight hug.

  “Marshall!” Oli squeaked. It wasn’t the most dignified sound, but it was all he could muster. “Your chest!”

  “It’s fine.” Marshall didn’t make any move to let him go, and Oli didn’t hear pain in his voice. “If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t do this. Don’t squeeze me too tightly and we’ll be fine. Just... twins? You’re serious? You’re not joking, are you?”

  “No. I’m serious for once. We’re having twins.” Oli closed his eyes and let Marshall’s warmth surround him. He was going to have to toss his clothes in the laundry and probably shower to get the sweat off once Marshall let him go, but he didn’t even mind. Right now, they both needed to be close. “So I guess we’ll need two top names for each sex. Back to the drawing board?”

  Marshall pressed a kiss to Oli’s temple. “I guess so.”

  “Five more months to go,” Oli whispered. His fingers curled into the fabric of Marshall’s shirt, and he let himself rest against Marshall’s chest. The small comforts they took in each other didn’t feel very small anymore. The more time passed, the more
every little thing Marshall did grew in importance. Oli didn’t think he’d ever adored someone so much. “We’ve got some time to sort everything out.”

  “I love you, Oliver,” Marshall murmured.

  “I love you, too.” Oli smirked, the expression buried against Marshall’s shoulder. “... Daddy.”

  “Oh, don’t you start.” Marshall pushed away from him, grinning.

  “What? It’s true. You are a father.” Oli shrugged. Mischief glinted in his eyes. “I’ll leave you to finish up here. I’m going to go take a shower. You know. In case you want to join me. I know how hard it is for you to clean all those hard-to-reach spots, and since I’m already going to be showering...”

  “You’re an imp.”

  “You love me anyway.” Oli winked and headed for the bathroom. On the way, he stripped off his shirt, making sure Marshall could see. “So whatever you decide, you know where to find me. You know, Dr. Volach mentioned that you should be proud of me for how healthy this pregnancy is, and he told me the absolute best way to do that is to give me sex. Lots and lots of sex. Especially shower sex. I mean, obviously within reason of your recovery.”

  “Did he?” Marshall was following him at a distance. It looked like weightlifting was forgotten. Oli didn’t mind—he’d make sure Marshall got in his exercise one way or another. “What a peculiarly specific thing to say.”

  “I’m just telling you what the doctor said,” Oli announced with a casual shrug. He stopped for a moment in the bathroom doorway. “So, you know, I’ll just be in here. Naked. Wet and naked. Touching myself. Alone.”