Breathe (His Command Book 5) Page 3

  “Ashton Apartments, Janine speaking,” a dull female voice announced.

  Oli stopped pacing. He clenched a fist. “Janine, where the hell is Roger?”

  “He’s not in the office right now. May I take a message?” Janine might as well have been a robot. There was no change in the inflection of her voice, and if she picked up on his hostility, she didn’t acknowledge it.

  “No. I need a number I can reach him at. This is an emergency.”

  “Emergency procedures are documented in your lease. If you could tell me what—”

  “No.” Oli didn’t have time to be brushed off. Most of the time, he liked to consider himself a sensible, laid-back individual. Today was not one of those times. “I was served a notice to quit this morning, and I need to talk to Roger right now. I don’t have time for anything else.”

  “Mr. Grisham will be arriving at the office in a few hours,” Janine said flatly. “I’ll tell him to expect your call. Please try again then.”

  The call ended. The call actually ended. She’d hung up on him.

  Rage flashed white-hot inside Oli, and before he knew what he was doing, he’d already thrown his phone full-force at the couch. The rage melted away in an instant as regret and fear seized him, snapping his focus back to the scene at hand. His phone hit the couch cushion, bounced off in a spectacular display of kinetics, then hit the floor and burst into pieces. Oli stared at it for a long moment, too stunned to do anything at all, then dropped to his knees and scrambled to assemble it as best he could. The back panel had popped off, and the battery it usually contained had skidded under the couch. The phone itself had landed face-down. Oli picked it up first and turned it around to find the screen had shattered. There were tiny pieces of glass on the floor, and something was leaking out from behind the screen.

  He dropped the phone—which caused another few pieces of glass to dislodge—then started to sob.

  What the hell had he done to deserve this? He’d worked hard his whole life, and for what? To be jerked around? To be told that he had to keep working harder? He was twenty-seven goddamn years old. When was it supposed to get easier? Maybe that was why so many older adults lost their spark—because it never did. It would be this way for the rest of his life. And now, he couldn’t even talk to Alcrest to get the worst of it off his chest.

  He couldn’t even tell the man he was crazy about that his life was falling into ruin, and that he might not be online for a long, long while.

  Oli flopped down onto his side, not even caring that he’d smacked the side of his head against the floor while doing it. He curled up on himself, closed his eyes, and cried.

  There was no kindness in the world for an omega who wanted to make something of himself. All the time and effort he’d invested in enriching his life had gone to shit. This was what he got for trying to be successful in a world dominated by alphas. This was his fucking reward.

  Homelessness. Destitution. Failure.

  In what universe did he live where he was closing in on thirty and still couldn’t afford to support himself?

  “Fuck this,” Oli sobbed. He closed his eyes and tucked his knees to his chest. “Fuck all of it.”

  For a while, he allowed himself to cry. Eventually, his hot tears stopped flowing, and the crushing pain of disappointment diminished until it only ached. Then, depleted, he picked himself up and got back to work. There was enough of it to do, now that he had to find a new place to live with zero savings, zero income, and zero prospects.

  Another shitty day, another steaming pile of shitty circumstances.

  It was a damn good thing he was used to shoveling it.

  4

  Oli

  “Is this really it?” Cedric Langston, Oli’s best friend since high school, asked as he gestured at the three suitcases leaning against the wall by the door.

  “That’s it,” Oli said. He folded his arms over his chest uneasily. “Roger can burn the rest, or use it in his daily offerings to the god of being a dickwad, or whatever else he wants to do with it. I don’t have the cash to move any of it.”

  “I can help you.” Cedric squeezed Oli’s shoulder, but Oli didn’t feel like being touched. He shrugged away from Cedric’s friendliness and tightened his arms. “You know that I’m here for you. We’ve got this. If you want to keep your furniture, we’ll swing by and pick up a rental van, and I’ll stow your stuff in the sun room.”

  “I don’t really want it.” Oli’s voice was hollow. “It’s all stuff I found on the side of the road, so it’s not like it’s important.”

  “Your bed?” Cedric asked. He didn’t try to touch Oli again, but he was still standing too close for comfort. “Your stereo system?”

  “I needed a new mattress, anyway.” Not that he could afford one, but it was on his list of things to buy when he had money again. “And the stereo system kind of broke two years ago, not long after you came to stay. It still sort of works, but it’s not worth the effort to try to transport it.”

  Cedric didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t argue. He rolled the sleeves of his sweater up, exposing the ink Oli so often forgot was there, then popped the extending handles on two of the suitcases and dragged them away from the wall. “Jesus, Oli, these are heavy.”

  “I made the most of the space I had.” Oli took custody of the last suitcase. Cedric had taken the heaviest ones. “It’s my clothes, my kitchenware, the few nice things I own... pretty much my entire life. My entire life in three suitcases. It sounds like some kind of horrible sitcom on a family-focused network whose first season got greenlit after an atrocious pilot episode for reasons no one can really explain.”

  Cedric snorted. “Well, the good thing about comedies is that things always work out in the end.”

  “I don’t have the energy left for zany, roundabout solutions.” Oli grunted as he tugged the suitcase from the wall. How the hell had he moved it there in the first place? Cedric was right, the sucker was heavy. “I’d just be me, staring with a blank expression while whatever wacky situation I’d ended up in unfolds around me while my life goes to shit even more than it already has.”

  “You’re just in a bad place right now. Things will get better.”

  “Right. But they’re going to get worse, too. Much, much worse before I can ever hope they get better.”

  Cedric looked at him skeptically. “And you know this because?”

  “Because that’s the way life works.” Oli stuck out his tongue and tugged the suitcase out into the hall. “Or maybe I’ve just watched one too many terrible comedies.”

  “I think things are going to work out better than you think.” Cedric followed behind him. He pulled both suitcases like they weighed nothing, and Oli found himself momentarily jealous. If he’d been born an alpha like Cedric, he wouldn’t have had a problem finding a job, and his finances would have been stable enough that he didn’t have to worry about moving last minute from his shithole apartment.

  He wouldn’t even have been living here in the first place.

  “Well, I hope you’re right.” They reached the staircase, and Oli braced himself for the physical torment he was about to endure. “Let’s see if I can make it through lugging this suitcase down the stairs without falling face-first into the arms of my love interest. That’ll determine whether we’re in a comedy or not.”

  Cedric rolled his eyes, and the two of them set to work carrying Oli’s belongings down the stairs and into Cedric’s car.

  Oli never did fall. He figured as much. Alcrest wouldn’t be there to catch him, after all.

  Cedric reversed into the driveway and backed the car up into the carport. Oli remained seated until he’d parked, then let out a sigh that had been collecting between his ribs and opened the car door.

  “Hey,” Cedric said. He grabbed Oli’s wrist before Oli could climb out of the car. “I know that you’re down, and I know what’s happening to you is awful and probably illegal, but we’re going to work it out, okay? If your landlord is
going to treat you this badly, then it’s a blessing that you’re getting out now.”

  Oli sank back into his seat and looked Cedric over. His best friend had changed in more ways than he could count since their high school days. Once a world-class troublemaker, Cedric had mellowed into a responsible, respectful young man. Oli had been there to see him collect his tattoos and piercings, and he’d watched as Cedric had matured, suffered, and found love all over again. How was it that Cedric had dropped out of college to recover after a personal tragedy and never returned, but had still come out on top? He had a solid career, money in the bank, and a wonderful relationship with a man he’d told Oli he was ready to marry.

  What had Oli done with his life?

  Sure, he’d gotten his degree, but he might as well have used it to wipe his ass for how useful it was. What else did he have to show for the twenty-seven years he’d been alive? Sarcastic blog posts? One good suit? A refined sense of dry, sarcastic humor that only came from a life lived while functionally depressed?

  “Thanks,” Oli said at last. He didn’t know what else to say, and he didn’t exactly feel thankful, but it was the right thing to do. “I know that you’re going out of your way to help me, and even though I’m a complainy bitch right now, I want you to know I appreciate it. Once things settle down and I’ve got my head on straight, I promise I won’t be such a bother.”

  “You’re not a bother.”

  “But I will be, when you come home after a long night doing your manager thing at The Shepherd and the first thing that comes out of my mouth is how shitty my job search is going.” Oli offered him a small, sad smile. It was the best he could manage. “I’ll make up for it by cooking dinner. I’ll have you know that I’m an expert at cooking macaroni and cheese from a box, and I only burn the water half the time. I know, I know, I should take up one of the restaurants knocking down my door begging me to come on as their head chef, but I’m holding out for bigger things.”

  Cedric snorted. “I love you, Oli.”

  “I’m glad someone does,” Oli laughed, “because I’m not awfully fond of myself right now.”

  The door leading from the carport into Cedric’s kitchen opened, and two ocean-blue eyes peered at them from the doorway. Gabriel, Cedric’s boyfriend and soon-to-be-fiancé, was checking to see who was home.

  “Hey, Gabe,” Oli said as he got out of the car. He walked around to stand by the trunk. “Thanks for inviting me to stay with you while I get back on my feet.”

  “You’re welcome,” Gabriel said. He came out from behind the door and stood halfway between the house and the car. The band t-shirt he was wearing was old and worn—Oli recognized it from Cedric’s high school days. Gabriel toyed with its hem, tugging it closer to his body. The shirt hugged his baby bump as he did, and he shifted his weight from foot to foot uneasily. “Can I help?”

  “No, but thank you,” Cedric said as he popped the trunk and exited the vehicle. Oli pulled it open and wrestled with the first of the suitcases. “All the suitcases are too heavy. The doctor said you should be taking it easy, didn’t he?”

  “Yes, Sir,” Gabriel said in a soft voice. It still kind of creeped Oli out that Gabriel called Cedric “Sir,” but Oli was glad it worked for them. “But I’d like to help... if that’s okay.”

  “If that’s the case, can you triple check that the sheets on the guest bed were changed?” Cedric smiled. “I know that Kitten likes to sleep there, so if you could check for cat hair, that would be helpful. We want to make sure the room is clean for Oli.”

  “Yes, Sir,” Gabriel said.

  Oli wrenched one of the suitcases out of the trunk. Its wheels clattered on the driveway. “You don’t need to prepare the guest bedroom. I’m fine with sleeping on the couch.”

  “No, you’ll sleep in the guest bedroom. It’s what I have it for.” Cedric pulled free another suitcase and set it down, then the other. “The living room will be too busy at night. We’re nocturnal.”

  Oli made a face. “I don’t want to get comfortable. I need to feel the pressure to get out so I get off my ass and do something with my life.”

  “You know that’s not the problem.” Cedric met his gaze and held it, and for a moment, Oli felt the force of his alpha crash into him. It left Oli uncomfortable, and he glowered back. “You’ve been working your ass off trying to find a job for the last two years. It’s not that you’re lazy. You’re giving it everything you’ve got.”

  “I’m obviously not giving it everything, because job hunting for two years isn’t normal.” Oli didn’t want to get into it, but life was pulling him in so many different directions that his judgment was shot. Cedric was doing his best to be supportive, but at the same time, Oli didn’t want to be enabled. Now more than ever, he needed to work hard to make things right. “Just... I don’t want you to think that I’m freeloading. I’m not. I don’t ever want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”

  “Gabriel?” Cedric asked. He looked over his shoulder at Gabriel, who still stood in the doorway. “Will you please go check the room and make sure Kitten isn’t hiding inside? We’ll be in shortly.”

  “Yes, Sir,” Gabriel said. He spared Oli one last, hesitant look, then darted inside and disappeared.

  When he was gone, Cedric turned back to Oli and gave him his full attention. “You’re not freeloading, and you’re not taking advantage of me. We’ve been friends how long?”

  “Like... a decade, pretty much,” Oli mumbled. “Longer, actually.”

  “Right. And that means that I know you, Oli.” Cedric’s voice dropped, and he spoke in a lower, more intimate tone that Oli knew meant he was speaking the truth. “I know your work ethic and your personality. We’ve grown up together. I know that you’re not doing this to try to hitch a free ride on my coattails.”

  Oli scrunched his nose in disgust. “I want nothing to do with your coattails. The places those things have been? No thanks.” His expression softened, and he dropped his attempt at humor. “But I also know that you’re starting a family. You’re going to have a baby in four months, and you’re going to ask Gabriel to marry you. The last thing you need right now is a roommate, especially one who’s so down on his luck.”

  “Four months is a long time.”

  “It’s going to go faster than you think. And if Gabriel goes into labor early? You might be welcoming Cedric Two-Point-Oh sooner than that.”

  Cedric frowned. “And if that happens, so be it. It doesn’t bother me. You’re like a brother to me, Oli. I’d want you to be there, anyway.”

  It was a sweet offer, but it wasn’t what Oli wanted. To share in Cedric’s life was a gift, but not one that would sustain him. He needed his own life, his own path, and his own happiness.

  He wanted badly to get back in touch with Alcrest.

  Cedric nodded toward the door. “Come on. Let’s get you set up. We’ll worry about tomorrow when it happens, okay?”

  “Tomorrow never happens.” Oli hitched an eyebrow. “I see right through your manipulation tactics. You can’t fool me into being hopeful.”

  Cedric laughed. “Right. I’m the worst kind of manipulator there is—a positive re-enforcer.”

  “Yup. And I’m allergic to positivity.” Oli tugged at his suitcase. Standing around being sad was getting him nowhere. He needed to settle so he could get back to finding work. “But let’s take my allergy-ridden ass inside. I’d rather break out in hives in the privacy of my new room.”

  Really, he needed some quiet so he could pull himself back together and focus on getting back on track. It had been a hellish last few days, and if his gut was right, there was only more hardship to come.

  “I won’t argue with that,” Cedric said. Oli held back a snicker.

  At least, while his life fell apart, he still had Cedric to hold his head above the water... but as he crossed through the threshold into Cedric’s house and the snicker died, Oli found himself wishing that it was another alpha—one with a filthy mind and beautiful
words—who was there to hold him up instead.

  Light shifted through the shadows, let in by the glass door leading from Oli’s room to the sun room. In the distance, the television was on—Gabriel was on the couch, watching something. Oli listened to its chatter, acutely aware of every sound in his new environment. The noise of the television, the hum of the fridge, air moving through the vents... it was quiet here, but at the same time, it was loud.

  So loud.

  Oli stared at the ceiling and tried to drown it out, but no matter which way he tried to shut out the noise, it never went away.

  Instinctively, he patted the space on the bed next to his hip, looking for his phone, then winced when he realized it wasn’t there. On sleepless nights like these, Alcrest always managed to talk him out of restlessness. That wasn’t an option anymore.

  He must think I’m ghosting him. Oli closed his eyes and did his best to keep sorrow from infiltrating his heart. It was too late. It’d been too late from the minute he’d decided Alcrest was deserving of his Kik username. I’m never going to talk to him again, am I? He’ll think that I got tired of waiting and moved on to someone else.

  Oli hooked his arm over his eyes, the crook of his elbow settling over the bridge of his nose. He pressed down until blotches of light appeared behind his eyelids, then released the pressure and let them fade into nothing. There were tears there, not yet shed and unwelcome. He would not let them fall.

  The shitshow of a life he was in the middle of attempting to escape had been made of his own design. If he’d been calmer, if he’d put in more hours toward finding a job, and if he’d been less prideful, then maybe things would be different. He could have applied to work minimum wage jobs. He could have worked as a cashier, or danced on the street corner by a donation bucket, or done something to make sure he had stable employment. But he was twenty-seven now, and not getting any younger. If he didn’t do his best to make a career for himself now, what luck would he have in his thirties?