Keep Me Page 4
“I’m listening, I promise,” Harrison said. “I think so far everything you’ve said is reasonable.”
“Good. I think.” Nathaniel rolled his shoulders, then lifted his chin and sighed at the sky. It was beyond adorable. “So I come for my shift tonight, thinking I’m on, and Brandon tells me that I’m off. So I check the schedule and my uncle’s taken me off almost all my shifts. I went from working close to fifty hours a week to working twelve. And when I confront my uncle about it, he told me it’s because he wants me to take care of my brother, and then once the baby’s born, he wants me to help him take care of it. I mean…” he drew in a ragged breath, “I mean, I like babies. I want to be a father and have kids, but he just assumed that because I’m an omega, that I’d be happier staying at home and tending to my brother and niece or nephew than I would be working at the shop I know and love.”
Nathaniel brought them to a stop at a corner. They’d turned off the main street, and foot traffic here was diminished. Harrison stood close, letting Nathaniel continue while he took in all the little details, like how the apron hugged Nathaniel’s waist and emphasized his narrow form, or how full and red Nathaniel’s lips looked as he spoke.
“But it’s not like that. I wish he would have talked to me. He’s my uncle, and he raised me since I was ten years old, but… but you know, I’m an adult now. I’ve been working my ass off for the shop, for him, and I think I deserve respect. I mean,” Nathaniel looked up at Harrison, and his eyelids drooped just a little. The gesture wasn’t lost on Harrison. His heart skipped a beat, and he melted into the thick chemistry that rose between them in that moment. Nathaniel was irresistible. “I’m an adult and I just want to be talked to like an adult. I don’t want to be bossed around, or ordered to do something, or… or be considered just some brainless kid anymore, you know?”
“I know,” Harrison said. He spoke in little more than a whisper. Nathaniel was so close that he didn’t need to speak any louder than that.
“And it’s just…” Nathaniel’s chin was raised, like he was begging Harrison to kiss him. From head to foot, Harrison tingled with the electric energy between them. Nathaniel’s scent filled his lungs and dulled his other senses, allowing him to focus on what was most important—the look on Nathaniel’s eyes, the hint of arousal on the air, and the way Nathaniel leaned in toward him like he wanted something more. “I’m old enough now to make my own decisions and be on my own, and I don’t think he realizes that. I don’t think he cares that I’m an adult who could have his own life if that’s what I chose to do.”
Harrison’s baser impulses ordered him to lift his hand and cup the side of Harrison’s face. The rest of the world melted away, leaving just the two of them on that quiet street corner as the sun set.
“What kind of life do you want to have?” Harrison asked in a whisper. “What is it that you want?”
“I want…” Nathaniel’s eyes glistened, and he pressed into Harrison’s hand with the softest touch. “I want to be responsible for my own path. I want to live life the way I want to live it, not to be forced down my own path.”
Harrison couldn’t resist any longer. Nathaniel was too tempting, and he was helpless against him. Gently, moving slowly enough that Nathaniel had the chance to pull away if he didn’t want it, Harrison kissed him. Nathaniel’s lips were soft, and sweet, and although the kiss they shared was short lived, it resonated inside of Harrison and spread across his skin invisibly, like static. When it was over, he let his hand part from Nathaniel’s cheek. Nathaniel made a breathy kind of hum that stirred Harrison’s arousal and made him want to kiss him all over, just to hear the sound again.
“No one’s going to make you do anything,” Harrison promised. “You can live your life the way you want to live it. You’re entitled to that much.”
A blush spread across Nathaniel’s cheeks. It reddened the bridge of his nose and showcased pale freckles that Harrison hadn’t noticed before. Nathaniel dipped his gaze and nodded, mute.
Harrison looked him over, trying to read the signs of his body. Nathaniel was still relaxed, but the shy way he acted was troublesome, and Harrison wondered if he hadn’t overstepped his boundaries. He had no idea if Nathaniel was interested in him or not, and the kiss had been a bold move that easily could have been a mistake.
Did he need to apologize for it? More than anything, Harrison wanted things between them to continue. He didn’t want this kiss to be their last. A courtship, long and drawn out, romantic and sweet, tender and never pressing, was what Nathaniel deserved, and Harrison kicked himself internally for potentially screwing up his chances.
“I um,” he murmured after a long while, breathless and flighty. “Thank you. It’s just… yeah. I really do need to go check on Dylan. He… he might’ve heard the fight, and he’s sensitive, and… sorry.”
The way Nathaniel stumbled over his words and struggled to tie his sentences together convinced Harrison he’d done more harm than good. The thick chemistry between them and tingling memory of Nathaniel’s lips still gripped Harrison tight, but he knew they had to be one-sided. Nathaniel danced back, as uncertain and flighty on his feet as he was in words.
“Thank you for listening to me, Harrison,” he said quickly. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Call me Harry,” Harrison said, wishing there was something else he could do or say to make Nathaniel change his mind.
“Harry,” Nathaniel said softly. He stared at his feet and took another step back, bumping into a streetlight. Nathaniel jumped and stumbled past it, walking backward. “Thank you. Um. See you later.”
Then he was gone.
Harrison watched as he went, empty on the inside. It was foolish of him to think that someone as young and as free as Nathaniel might return his affection. He was the last one of his brothers to find a mate for a reason—he was too quick to trust in his heart, and too quick to be hurt. If he was stronger, he would have followed Nathaniel, caught up with him, and asked for forgiveness. Or stopped him from leaving with a kiss that was sure and certain instead of sweet and hopeful. Harrison was too tender.
He shook his head.
Right now, the clearest course of action was to continue to act sensibly. There was no point in getting riled up over the end of something when that something hadn’t even begun. It wasn’t like he was in a relationship with Nathaniel. If he was, it would be a serious conflict of interests as he guided Dylan through the tail end of his pregnancy.
He pushed aside the thought that accepting Dylan’s case based on his attraction to Dylan’s brother already was a conflict of interests. He was a professional, and Dylan needed help, whether it was from him or from someone else. Nathaniel didn’t have any sway over that.
But for now, while Nathaniel was working so closely with the family, nothing could happen between them, anyway. The kiss was a mistake on two counts—it had come before Nathaniel wanted it, and it had come before Harrison was divorced from the O’Toole case.
He needed to let it go and move on.
Maybe, once things were settled and the baby was born, he could try things with Nathaniel over again.
Maybe.
His gut churned.
If he hadn’t already ruined things beyond repair with that one simple kiss.
6
Nathaniel
Nathaniel closed the apartment door and sank back against it, running his hands through his hair and letting out the beaming smile he’d been suppressing since the kiss.
The kiss.
Harrison had kissed him.
He wasn’t one of those brutish alphas who took control and made an omega his, and he wasn’t the kind of man who kissed without consent—what he’d done had been subtle, and kind, and perfect. Nathaniel’s knees were still weak from it, and he was surprised he’d been able to walk back without stumbling, apart from the streetlight incident. One kiss from Harrison was all it took to turn his insides into jelly, and everything from his waist down felt liquefied. He tingled.
Nathaniel slid his hands from his hair down over his face, cupping his mouth to stifle his laughter. It rose up inside of him like bubbles through champagne, fizzing in his throat and popping at the back of his mouth. He pushed off the door, clamped his jaw shut to keep it closed, then headed directly to the kitchen to run some cold water. God knew he needed it.
As he splashed water on his face, footsteps interrupted his train of though. Nathaniel looked over his shoulder to find Dylan standing in the doorway to the kitchen, one hand laid gently atop his distended stomach.
“Hi,” Nathaniel said.
“Hi,” Dylan said back, subdued. “I didn’t think you’d be home until the shop closed.”
“I didn’t think so, either,” Nathaniel said. He tried to keep the excitement out of his voice, but when every inch of him vibrated with joy, it was difficult. “Something happened and Uncle Martin ended up taking me off a bunch of shifts, so I’m going to be home a little more often.”
Dylan rubbed his baby bump, gaze dipped. “You smell like alpha.”
Nathaniel stopped. He turned the water off and turned slowly, looking at Dylan from across the room. Nathaniel was sensitive to Harrison’s scent, largely because it was the best scent in the world, but he didn’t think Dylan’s nose would be half as sharp. “What?”
“I smell him on you,” Dylan said. He lifted his gaze, locking eyes with Nathaniel. “Is that why Uncle Martin sent you home? Because he caught you with someone?”
Embarrassment and fear melded into one terrible knot of anxiety in the back of Nathaniel’s throat. The champagne-like joy came to an end. It sounded like Dylan was accusing him. “No.”
“I don’t want an alpha here,” Dylan said.
“I’m not bringing an alpha here.” The same uneasiness Nathaniel usually felt around the house returned. If Dylan was so sensitive that even a passing scent of an alpha was enough to trigger him, then what was he going to do with his life? Nathaniel knew that he needed therapy, and that it was going to be a long time before Dylan could trust again, but this was taking it too far. “I wish you wouldn’t accuse me of things like that. I love you, Dylan. I don’t want to hurt you, but I wish you wouldn’t hurt me, either.”
“I’m trying to protect you,” Dylan said. The deadpan tone of voice he spoke in didn’t change, and Nathaniel couldn’t tell if he was irritated or not. “You haven’t been through what I’ve been through, and you don’t know. You’re still young.”
“I’m an adult,” Nathaniel argued. “I’m nineteen.”
“But you don’t know the world like I do,” Dylan said. “You stayed safe with Uncle Martin, and he’s protected you from what’s beyond these walls. The city isn’t safe, Nate. It’s not. And if you let yourself be swept up in it, if you let an alpha get close…”
Nathaniel didn’t want to hear it. He shook his head adamantly, refusing to listen any further. Harrison wasn’t like that. Harrison wasn’t going to string him along, and he certainly wasn’t going to sell Nathaniel into the sex trade. He was a good, honest man who was sweet and compassionate. He listened. The things he did, he did with caution and forethought.
He wasn’t the type of man Nathaniel would ever regret being with. Harrison was the kind of man he could imagine himself having a family with. Sweet babies with dark hair and green eyes. The excitement returned, overriding his irritation and infusing him with happiness. The thought of Harrison alone was enough to turn Nathaniel’s day around.
“Maybe I haven’t seen much of the world,” Nathaniel said. “But I’ve seen enough of it to know that maybe you’ve seen a little too much. You got unlucky, Dylan. You ended up meeting the worst people possible who did the worst things to you they could. That doesn’t make the rest of the world criminal by default.”
“The people I saw were the kind of people that you wouldn’t think would come to a brothel,” Dylan countered. “Normal people. Office workers. Artisans. Doctors. Kind faces aren’t so kind behind closed doors.”
The warning fell on deaf ears. Nathaniel refused to believe that all alphas were bad. He had more faith in the world than that.
“I know that you’re hurt, but I promise, not everyone is like that,” Nathaniel said. “We’re going to get you into some therapy, and you’ll start to realize. You need to trust again, even if it’s scary, and even if it hurts.”
Dylan rubbed at his stomach and shook his head. He dropped his gaze. “If you want to bring him here, then let me know and I’ll leave the house. I don’t want anything to do with that.”
“I’m not bringing anyone home,” Nathaniel argued. “That’s not why my shifts got dropped, and that’s not what I’m going to do with my new free time. I’m here to be with you and support you through your pregnancy, not… not anything else.”
Although the thought was tempting. Nathaniel was due for his next heat in a few month’s time, and he imagined Harrison there to help work him through it. Instead of heat blockers, they could let nature take its course. Harrison had a career, after all. He probably had his own house, and his own car, and a life that Nathaniel could share. Nathaniel didn’t have much professional prospects with just a high school degree, but he liked to be domestic, and he thought he was good at it. Cooking, cleaning, raising children…
He blushed. If Dylan noticed, he didn’t say anything.
“I wish that you understood,” Dylan murmured.
“I wish that you understood,” Nathaniel countered, keeping his tone soft. “Someone hurt you, Dylan. I know that you’ve been broken, but there is still goodness in this world. You can’t give up on it yet. You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you, and you’re going to soar if you find the courage to spread your wings. I know it.”
Dylan looked up, tears in his eyes, then broke eye contact by turning and heading from the kitchen. On his way out, he spoke. “It’s not that I’m afraid to soar, it’s that I’m worried of the hawks swooping down on me from overhead. And if you knew they were there, you’d be worried, too.”
But Nathaniel couldn’t feel worried when his champagne-happiness kept bubbling and Harrison’s kiss lingered on his lips.
There wasn’t any privacy in Nathaniel’s bedroom now that Dylan had moved in, so Nathaniel closed and locked the bathroom door and ran water for a shower. For now, not even Dylan’s negativity was enough to keep him down.
Harrison liked him. He needed to get it all out of his soul before Uncle Martin came home and pried into the reason behind his sudden joy.
The water heated. He turned the shower on, let the cold water work its way out, then stripped and stepped beneath the stream. Not only would the shower rid any residual traces of Harrison from his skin, but it would give him enough time alone that he could work out the spastic giddiness that would give him away.
Nathaniel regretted running from the kiss, but at the same time, he knew that it was necessary. With Harrison, he had no self-control. If he’d stayed, their time together would have ended in a lot more than a simple kiss, and Nathaniel didn’t think he was ready for that—not because he wasn’t interested, but because he didn’t want Harrison to think that he was easy. He needed to respect himself in order to earn Harrison’s respect.
Maybe.
Hypothetically.
Nathaniel wasn’t sure if that was true or not, because Harrison was already so full of respect for him, and Nathaniel hadn’t done much to earn it.
As the water rushed down his shoulders and streamed down his chest, Nathaniel closed his eyes and imagined what could have been.
Harrison, one hand cupped on Nathaniel’s cheek, gasping in delight as Nathaniel returned the kiss with twice the passion. The gentle, wet caress of Harrison’s tongue as it traced across Nathaniel’s bottom lip and explored Nathaniel’s mouth. The scratch of Harrison’s messy stubble.
Nathaniel moaned softly, hoping the noise was swallowed by the shower. He dipped his hand downward and gripped himself. H
e was already hard, balls aching for release, but another urge Nathaniel rarely felt nuanced his pleasure.
He wanted to be filled.
Filled, stretched, and used. Pressed into the tile of the shower and made to take whatever he was given.
Whatever Harrison wanted to do with him.
Nathaniel squeezed his eyes shut and bucked into his own hand, riding out the wave of pleasure that thought brought. What he wouldn’t give in that moment to have Harrison standing behind him, his firm arms wrapped around Nathaniel’s hips, his hand the one pumping Nathaniel’s shaft instead of Nathaniel’s own. How would it feel to be full of him? To know that Harrison was inside of him, bare, knowing that what they did was only practice for when Nathaniel succumbed to his heat?
Nathaniel didn’t last long. As he pictured Harrison rutting into him, both of them too addled by Nathaniel’s heat to do anything but try to make new life, Nathaniel came. It striped the shower wall and left him breathless, and he took a moment to catch his breath before he cleaned up and finished his shower. By the time he was dry and dressed, Dylan had settled back onto the couch to watch television, and he paid Nathaniel no heed as Nathaniel walked to their shared bedroom and closed the door behind him.
With a breathy sigh, Nathaniel sunk into bed and pulled his journal out from beneath the mattress. During the first few years after his parent’s death, he’d turned to writing to get his feelings out on paper. After Dylan’s disappearance, he’d redoubled his efforts. But tonight, for the first time in a long time, what Nathaniel had to share with the page wasn’t about insecurities or fears. Tonight he wrote about hope, about budding love and all its implications, and about wild, guilty fantasies that would probably never have the chance to be. But then again, Harrison liked him. After that, it felt to Nathaniel that almost anything was possible.