Heal (His Command Book 4) Read online

  It was wrong.

  He patted his face down with a towel, then wicked the water away from his hair and wrapped himself up. The en suite bathroom attached to the master bedroom was flush with the hall, and Cedric took a moment to be sure that Gabriel wasn’t on his way back out of his bedroom. Right now, he needed some time to himself to think.

  When he heard nothing, Cedric left the bathroom and started to change. He glanced toward the door to make sure it was locked. Living alone meant he wasn’t used to closing doors behind him and locking them in his wake, but he was learning. Besides, having someone in the guest bedroom made the house feel more lively. He’d been on his own for so long now that he’d forgotten what it was like to have someone else around.

  If only his heart could say the same.

  Cedric toweled off by the end of his bed, then tossed the towel into his hamper and climbed across the mattress. He lay atop his blankets, chest down, and folded his arms beneath his head. What Gabriel needed was a gentle touch from someone who cared about him, but who could restrain himself enough not to take advantage of him when he was vulnerable. Cedric could fill that role for him. He was skillful enough to coax Gabriel from his noxious mindset and teach him that he had worth outside of sex and childbirth. It wouldn’t be that hard.

  Except the problem was, Cedric was hard.

  Soft, golden-brown hair. Expressive blue eyes. A slender body…

  Fuck.

  It was going to be a balancing act between doing what was right for Gabriel and keeping himself in check, but Cedric was ready. Sterling had given him this job for a reason, and no matter how much of a temptation Gabriel was, he was damned well going to see it through to the end.

  14

  Gabriel

  The dreams were nothing like they’d been before.

  Gabriel rose from bed, the sheets too soft against his skin to be real. It was the kind of soft that made him want to curl back up in bed and forget the rest of the world, but he couldn’t do that. Something tugged at his soul and made him get up, like if he didn’t, he might never feel comfortable again.

  There was no weakness in his legs as he walked, and no sluggishness in his limbs as there usually was, but then again, the bedroom he was in didn’t belong to Garrison—it belonged to Sir.

  Padding barefoot upon the wooden floor, Gabriel found his way to the door that led out to the sun room. The curtain was pulled aside, and the door had been left ajar. Gabriel rested his hand on the brass knob and glanced into the room beyond the glass.

  Sir stood there, one arm resting against the frame the screens were attached to, leaning casually as he observed the back yard. It occurred to Gabriel that he’d never been back there before, and that he had no idea what he might encounter. Still, the tug in his soul made him bold, and he pulled the door open and stepped into the room to join Sir.

  Nothing was said as Gabriel crossed the floor, even though he was sure Sir heard his footsteps. Gabriel came to a stop at his side and gazed through the screen at what lay beyond. The sun room overlooked a forest. Trees with leaves in fall colors lined the distance, beautiful in ways Gabriel couldn’t hope to explain.

  Sometimes, from the upper windows of The White Lotus, he’d seen the trees in the distance turn with the passing of the season, but their browns and rusty reds were nothing compared to the splendor he saw here. Bright yellows, stunning oranges, and deep, gorgeous reds lit up the horizon. Every now and then, one of those colorful leaves would part from its branch and topple downward, spiraling as it celebrated its momentary liberation before it was brought to a stop by the ground. The sight filled Gabriel with gloom, and he tucked his elbows against his sides in the hopes that if he held himself tight, his weakness wouldn’t be visible.

  He was too late.

  Sir wrapped an arm around his shoulders and drew him to his side. There were no words exchanged between them, but Gabriel got the feeling that his presence was welcome and appreciated. Wary, just in case that wasn’t the truth, he leaned against Sir’s side with the uncertainty of a dog seeking permission to do the forbidden. Sir did not correct him, and his body language didn’t change, so Gabriel let himself relax. When he was settled, Sir’s arm tightened around him, and Gabriel closed his eyes and let go of the anxious breath he’d been holding.

  He wasn’t going to get in trouble. Not now.

  Sir was too kind to ruin an afternoon so beautiful.

  Sunlight beamed onto them from outside, soaking into their clothes. It absorbed into Gabriel’s hair, and he basked in it. He was vaguely aware that he was in his pajamas, and that he didn’t look sexy at all while wearing oversized black, white, and blue plaid, but as long as Sir didn’t mind, Gabriel didn’t care. He rested his head against the crook of Sir’s neck, right where it met his shoulder, and looked out at the fall forest.

  “I want you to be mine.”

  The words came out of nowhere, and they turned Gabriel’s cheeks as crimson as the leaves he watched outside. He remained motionless, still not convinced that Sir was talking to him.

  For a while there was silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Gabriel remained pressed against Sir’s chest, the scent of a crisp autumn day combining with the alluring scent of Sir’s alpha. If there’d been a time Gabriel had smelled something so nice, he couldn’t recall it. The scent teased out the tension from his shoulders and released him from his inhibitions. Even if it was just for a little while, Gabriel felt like one of the leaves on the horizon, spiraling on its way to the ground—free.

  “I don’t want you to think of him anymore, Gabriel.” This time, there was no doubt that Sir was speaking to him. Gabriel opened his eyes to glance up at Sir. He was watching the forest, his gaze distant, but his energy present and modestly joyful. It was the quiet kind of happiness that made men glow—the kind that Gabriel wasn’t really sure he understood. “You deserve better than him.”

  “I don’t deserve anything,” Gabriel whispered. He said the words peacefully, because they were the words he’d been taught. His familiarity with them allowed them to come like he’d been born saying them, and he said them without a second thought. “Garrison is good for me. He loves me, and I love him.”

  “You know that’s a lie.”

  Gabriel frowned and nestled closer to Sir. He knew that he shouldn’t be entertaining dangerous ideas like those, but when they came from someone like Sir, who’d been so nice to him, and whose strength was quiet and unassuming, it was tempting to forget.

  “If he loved you, none of what happened would have happened. He wouldn’t have made you give yourself away to others. He would have been too jealous to let anyone touch you at all.”

  “That’s not true,” Gabriel murmured. A cloud passed by overhead, and for a moment, the sunlight disappeared. A chill ran down Gabriel’s spine in absence of the light, and he closed his eyes as he waited for the darkness to pass. “There’s a difference between my job and my relationship. Garrison is my boss, but he’s also my lover. We’re going to get married, and he’s going to give me a family. He promised.”

  “How many years ago did he promise that?”

  The answer was five, all the way back when Gabriel was sixteen, but he didn’t want to confess that to Sir. It was shameful. He’d been unofficially engaged to Garrison for five years, but they’d never once discussed anything to do with the wedding—even something as simple as the date they wanted to get married on.

  “He’s leading you on,” Sir murmured. He kissed the top of Gabriel’s head, and a shiver ran down Gabriel’s spine. This time it wasn’t from the cold—it was from excitement. “You’re better than that. You’re worth more than a crusty old man who promises one thing, then delivers another. He’s never going to marry you, Gabriel. He’s never going to give you the things in life that you want. But I can.”

  Tears formed behind Gabriel’s eyes, but he willed them away. Crying in front of Sir would be disrespectful, especially if they were tears shed over another man.

&nb
sp; The truth was, Gabriel had struggled with those thoughts before. On the hard days, alone in his room, he’d cried himself to sleep thinking that Garrison would never make good on his promise. In the morning, cried out and emotionally depleted, those thoughts receded into the dark corner they came from, but they never fully left. They lurked in the shadows, waiting for him to lapse in judgment again so they could claw their way through his subconscious and tear him to shreds.

  Gabriel knew that until Garrison’s devotion was his, and his alone, that he would never consent to marrying one of his boys, but how did Sir know that? It made Gabriel think that Sir was already inside his head, looking in on all of his secrets.

  “I want you to be mine, Gabriel,” Sir said again. “I can take care of you the way you need to be taken care of, and I can keep you safe. I would never give you to him.”

  “To him?” The sunlight returned, and Gabriel craned his neck to take advantage of it. His nose found the crook of Sir’s neck. Every breath was full of him now.

  “To the man without a name.” Sir’s hand traced along his arm, steady and predictable. “I would never give you to him, and I will never let him get you.”

  “How do you even know who he is?” Gabriel sighed. “You’re not supposed to know who he is.”

  “Why?”

  The question lingered between them. No matter how Gabriel turned it over, looking for an answer, he couldn’t find it.

  Why couldn’t Sir know about the man without a name? If he knew, then he could keep Gabriel safe. They were both alphas, after all—strong, imposing, and dominant. Gabriel didn’t stand a chance against a man like that, but Sir? Since Sir was an alpha, too, they were evenly matched—and if Gabriel had to guess, Sir was stronger.

  He could be safe here, in this haven in the middle of the forest, with Sir by his side.

  Sir, who was handsome like no one Gabriel had seen before. Sir, who was kind, even when Gabriel deserved punishment. Sir, who smelled so damned good…

  “You want to keep me?” Gabriel asked. He parted from Sir’s side only so that he could turn to face him. Sir looked away from the forest, his eyes the kind of green that would make the leaves jealous. “Why would you want to do that? I’m so…”

  So boring. So plain. So broken.

  Sir bridged the distance between them. His fingers tucked themselves beneath Gabriel’s jaw, and his thumb traced over Gabriel’s lips. On the outside, the touch was gentle, but inside, it was like Sir had struck flint against steel. Sparks, too brilliant and too hot for Gabriel to dare touch, cascaded inside of him.

  He never wanted Sir’s hand to go.

  “So wonderful?” Sir asked. “So beautiful? So good?”

  Sir’s thumb crossed Gabriel’s bottom lip, parting it from the top. Gabriel sucked in a tiny breath as arousal shot through him and flooded his gut. He was starting to get hard, even though he knew he shouldn’t. He wasn’t supposed to enjoy sexual contact with other men.

  But Sir? Sir was ice water after a hike through a desert, and the first warm day after a harsh winter. His touch was insistent, but it wasn’t demeaning. Gabriel didn’t shy away from it—he wanted more.

  “I want you, Gabriel,” Sir whispered. The thumb crossed along his lip again, but this time, when it reached the plump middle, it ventured inward to trace along the tips of his teeth. “You don’t have to feel unwanted anymore.”

  How did Sir know all the right things to say? How could he be so firm, and yet so kind? The tingling returned, but this time, it swept through Gabriel’s body and left him highly aware of himself—the butterflies in his stomach longing to escape, the goosebumps down his arms, and the way his cock now nuzzled against the fly of his pajama pants.

  He parted his lips and let Sir inside.

  The pad of Sir’s thumb traced over his tongue. Gabriel closed his eyes and set his lips around the digit, sucking gently as Sir explored his mouth. He could be good for Sir, if that was what Sir wanted. He could suck until his jaw was too sore to continue—until Sir became so aroused that taking Gabriel’s mouth wasn’t enough anymore.

  “Good boy,” Sir whispered, his lips so close to Gabriel’s ear that Gabriel couldn’t help but shiver in delight. “Good, beautiful boy.”

  All Gabriel wanted was to know he was pretty. His cheeks grew hot, and he lifted his tongue and ran it across the bottom of Sir’s thumb, apprehensive of his reaction. Sometimes, when he was being too much of a slut, Garrison punished him—but Gabriel couldn’t help himself. Not now. Not when Sir had whispered such exquisite things to him, and especially not after he’d called Gabriel pretty.

  Gabriel wanted to give him everything.

  “Do you know how good you feel?” Sir worked his thumb in deeper, and Gabriel hummed against it and let his tongue lave Sir with affection. “Do you know how beautiful you look, sucking me like that? You’re gorgeous, Gabriel. You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen. He should have told you that. He should have told you that every damn day.”

  Tears swelled in the corners of Gabriel’s eyes, pushing out from beneath his lids. They weren’t born of sorrow—far from it.

  For the first time in a long time, Gabriel was happy.

  “He’ll never give you the things you want from life.” Sir’s thumb caressed Gabriel’s tongue as it worked back and forth, almost escaping the confines of Gabriel’s mouth before pushing deep again. “He’ll never protect you from the men who want to hurt you. You deserve better. You deserve me.”

  The tears fell fat and hot as they streamed down Gabriel’s cheeks. Why was he happy? He wasn’t with Garrison, and for so long, Garrison had been the only one he’d wanted. It was hard to imagine that he could be happy by the hand of someone else.

  “If you want me as much as I want you, then you’re going to let my thumb out of your mouth, and you’re going to turn around.” The words Sir spoke were stern, but they were not unkind. They offered Gabriel the chance to refuse if he wanted to, but Gabriel didn’t want to. He wasn’t sure he’d ever want to disobey Sir. “You’re going to push your pajama bottoms down, and you’re going to give your ass to me. You’re going into heat, aren’t you? I can smell your slick on the air. I want inside. I want to feel how wet your body is for me, and once I’m done feeling it, I’m going to be so slick with you that it’ll be no problem to slide inside and breed you, will it?”

  Gabriel’s cheeks were on fire, and the loose sleep shirt he wore was too hot against his suddenly sweaty skin. Was he in heat? It seemed too soon, but who was he to argue? Slick already ran down his thighs, and his scent perfumed the air. Time didn’t matter when his body told him in no uncertain terms that he was ready to conceive.

  He was finally going to get what Garrison had never given him—he was going to give Sir healthy, beautiful babies.

  The thumb parted from Gabriel’s mouth. Roasting in the flames of his heat, Gabriel turned and braced his arms against the screen paneling. The wires bit into his skin, but he didn’t care. For the first time ever, he was going to get what he truly wanted.

  He was going to make a family.

  But Sir’s hands never gripped Gabriel by the hips, and Sir’s cock didn’t find its way between Gabriel’s lubricated cheeks. Gabriel woke abruptly instead, short of breath and harder than he’d ever been before. With a keening, frustrated groan, Gabriel rocked his hips into the mattress of his new bed and tried to work out his arousal.

  He couldn’t feel this way. He shouldn’t feel this way. He belonged to Garrison, not to anyone else—but there was Sir, with his dark hair and his green eyes, too beautiful for words and too kind to be real, watching from the back of Gabriel’s mind.

  What was he supposed to do?

  The dreams were nothing like they’d been before, and they ended in unfamiliar ways, too—in orgasm, so crisp and sweet that Gabriel wilted onto the bed and had to take a moment to himself to recover. Guilt hit seconds later.

  He was being bad—worse than he ever could have imagined. He couldn�
�t stay here and face temptation, or he’d forget what he truly wanted, and who he truly belonged to. He had to get out now, before he did something he’d regret.

  The dream was over, and he resolved to never have it again.

  15

  Cedric

  “It’s going to take some work, but now that I understand my boundaries, I think it’ll go well.” Cedric held the phone to his ear as he pulled the overhead cabinet open and plucked the jar of coconut oil from the shelf. He picked up the spoon he’d left on the spoon rest and pressed it into the solidified oil, breaking off a small chunk to set in the heating frying pan. “There was an incident earlier in the day when he got spooked and bolted down the driveway for reasons I’m not entirely sure I understand, but other than that, there were no significant incidences. We spent the rest of the day getting to know each other so I could understand how best to approach the job. Sterling was pleased.”

  Oli hummed. “Like bringing home a rabbit, it sounds like. So, you called Sterling already?”

  Rabbit.

  Cedric grinned.

  “First thing this morning.” He pushed the glob of coconut oil around the pan and watched as it melted. “I wasn’t even out of bed yet when I called him. He was awake and glad to hear from me. Apparently, Adrian was up all night worrying.”

  “I guess it’s a good thing you called, then.” The tone of Oli’s voice led Cedric to believe that there was something he’d left unsaid. Oli didn’t keep him waiting for long. “I think that it’s good that you’re being paid well for this job, but I’m not convinced that it’s a good job to take, even if it means you’re making a connection with Sterling.”

  “Why?” Cedric took four eggs from the fridge and rested them on the counter. He cracked the first one on the edge of the stove, then emptied its contents into the hot pan. “You don’t think I can handle it?”

  “It’s not you I’m worried about. You’re going to be fine. It’s that little fidgety rabbit of yours I’m worried about.”