Keep Me Page 3

  “I do know that, but the truth is, there is another O’Toole growing inside of him that we need to concern ourselves with as well. That baby can’t advocate for itself, and if Dylan won’t stand up for it—”

  “He will,” Nathaniel said. He held Dylan closer, and Dylan melted into him. The two of them looked so alike that it was hard to tell which was the older sibling. Still, despite their familial bond, Dylan smelled nothing like Nathaniel. Sweet and distinctly Nathaniel, it cut through the other scents in the room and left Harrison aching to bury his nose against the crook of Nathaniel’s neck to breathe it in deep. “All he needs is time. He’s here, isn’t he? All he needs is to adjust. It’s just a lot to take in at once.”

  “Whatever your choice, you’re welcome here,” Harrison said. It felt important to say in light of the discussion. “If you need another doula, there are others on staff. We have a few wonderful omega female doulas who work here. Any of them would be happy to help.”

  A glint, something a lot like sadness, shone in Nathaniel’s eyes. He looked over Dylan’s head at Harrison as if to beg him to reconsider.

  “No,” Dylan mumbled. “I don’t want that, either.”

  “What do you want, Dylan?” Uncle Martin said. “We’re trying. We really are.”

  “I just want this to be over,” Dylan said softly, then sobbed into Nathaniel’s shoulder. Nathaniel held him close and stroked his back through the tears while Harrison sat by, idle. But it wasn’t long before Dylan got a hold of himself, pulled away from Nathaniel, and shook his head. “I’m okay. I really am. Um. My name is Dylan O’Toole, and I must be about eight months pregnant. What more do you need to know about me in order to make this work?”

  Harrison smiled. Dylan had been through a lot, but he wasn’t broken. Not yet. There was still hope in him, and with someone as wonderful and supportive as Nathaniel in his life, Harrison knew he’d bounce back eventually.

  “Let’s just start slow,” Harrison said. “I want to hear all about what you want from this birth—where you want it to happen, who you want to be there, and what you absolutely do not want at all.”

  The tender look of adoration on Nathaniel’s face as Harrison took control of the conversation and guided Dylan through the process made Harrison’s job even more rewarding than normal.

  It wasn’t the way Harrison wanted to meet Nathaniel’s family, but he was glad for the opportunity regardless.

  4

  Nathaniel

  The apartment Nathaniel shared with Uncle Martin was different now that Dylan was home. Everything was so quiet, Nathaniel heard the hum of the refrigerator from his own room. To try to combat the stillness, he slipped on a pair of earbuds and curled up on his bed, trying his best to shake the feeling that something was wrong. Nothing was wrong. His big brother was home.

  So why did it feel like life as he knew it had ended?

  Nathaniel’s room was small, and he’d cleared out most of his possessions in order to fit another bed. Dylan slept there at night, always silent and so still that sometimes Nathaniel worried that he’d passed away. During the day, Dylan sat on the couch in the living room and watched the television at low volumes, rubbing his baby bump as the hours slipped by. When he wasn’t in either of those two places, he was in the bathroom. Nathaniel hadn’t realized how much pregnancy affected urination until every time he went to use the bathroom, Dylan was already using it.

  Uncle Martin was silent, and he’d started to work a lot more. Nathaniel wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted to make sure their finances were in order for when the baby arrived, or if he was trying to escape the miasma of depression that now saturated their small apartment.

  Nathaniel turned up the music on his phone and buried himself beneath his blankets, glancing across the room at Dylan’s empty bed. His brother was back, but it wasn’t really his brother. Not entirely. The brother he’d believed dead had died, and a stranger had taken his place.

  He blinked away tears and skipped the song he was listening to.

  It wasn’t like he was upset about it. Nathaniel knew that he had every reason to be happy. With some additional therapy and time to heal, Dylan would be back. One day, maybe they could skin rocks down at Clear Pond like they’d done as kids, or spend their days in the tall fields outside the city, chasing grasshoppers and lying on the warm, flat rocks that populated the area. Those were the memories Nathaniel clung to the hardest, and they bore the emotions he wanted to get back to.

  At nineteen years old, he wasn’t too interested in actually chasing grasshoppers for fun anymore, but the giddy feeling of freedom running uninhibited beneath the sun without a worry in the world was one he wanted to get back.

  One he wanted to share with Dylan again.

  One day, he hoped he and Uncle Martin didn’t have to walk on eggshells anymore. He hoped to see Dylan smile and actually mean it.

  Nathaniel curled up on the bed and waited for work to start. At least there, where he knew the routine, life was still normal.

  At least there nothing had changed.

  Nathaniel looped the apron straps around his hips and tied them. He checked his reflection in the bathroom mirror, then ran a hand through his hair to mess it up just a little. Carefully, Nathaniel lifted his chin and checked his jaw side to side to make sure no stubble remained, then, content, he nodded and left the apartment to go to work.

  The apartment over Five Pie was accessible by a stairwell that rose up along the back of the building. Nathaniel locked the door behind him and made his way down the stairs, then hopped over the railing and onto the back deck outside of Five Pie’s back door. The alley wasn’t anything much to look at—mostly dumpsters and the grimy, forgotten backside to establishments on his street and the next street over—but it was familiar and comforting in a time where everything in Nathaniel’s life was in flux.

  He turned his shop key in the back door and pulled it open, entering directly into the kitchen. Brandon, one of his uncle’s employees, was washing dishes while the ovens baked a fresh round of pies.

  “Hey Nate,” Brandon said. “You on today? I didn’t notice you on the schedule.”

  Nathaniel blinked. He always worked Thursday afternoons to help deal with the after work rush. Thursday and Friday nights were some of their busiest. “It’s my normal shift. It’s Thursday, right?”

  “Yep. Thursday.” Brandon scrubbed at some scalloped edged plates. “Maybe I didn’t see the schedule right. Most of the time I barely pay enough attention to notice when I’m working, let alone someone else. It’s just, Maria is here.”

  Nathaniel squinted and pursed his lips. Maria never worked Thursdays.

  Something was up.

  “I’ll go check it out,” Nathaniel said. “Thanks for the heads up.”

  The back of Five Pie wasn’t all that big. They saved on as much space as they could and cut corners only where it was necessary. Apart from the ovens and the walk-in fridge, there was a tiny office where his uncle worked, and a staff room that was only a hair bigger than that. Nathaniel peeked out through the window on the swinging door to the front to confirm Maria was tending to the front before he cut into the staff room to check the bulletin board. The schedule for the month was posted there, as well as any shift swaps that went on between members of the staff. They had under twenty full-time and part-time employees, but keeping track of everyone’s last minute unavailabilities was a headache neither Nathaniel nor his uncle wanted. As long as someone showed up, that was good enough.

  But it looked like Nathaniel was showing up for no reason. His name wasn’t listed on the schedule for tonight. Or Friday. Or through the weekend. He looked over his shoulder in surprise, as if he expected to see Uncle Martin standing in the doorway laughing at his prank, but there was no one there.

  His next shift was on Monday, and it was only four hours long. There had to be some mistake. Since he’d graduated from high school, Nathaniel had been working full time to help support his uncle. Even whi
le he was in school, he’d spent more time at work than he was scheduled to do now.

  Nathaniel left the staff room and went to find Uncle Martin. There had to be a mistake. With so many names to balance and schedules to work around, sometimes mistakes happened. They could fix this together.

  Uncle Martin was working alongside Maria at the front of the shop. Nathaniel waved to him from the doorway, and as soon as there was a break, Uncle Martin joined him in the back.

  “You’re off today, Nate,” he said. “What are you doing in your apron?”

  “I always work Thursday nights,” Nathaniel said. “Something’s screwy with the schedule. I think maybe you forgot to add me in.”

  “Oh.” Uncle Martin shook his head. “No, that wasn’t an oversight.”

  “But I’m working twelve hours a week now,” Nathaniel said, dread starting to coil in his stomach. The money he made from working at Five Pie went right back into the family, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that work was his stability in an otherwise chaotic time. “Besides, all that extra labor you need to arrange to replace me… we need to save for Dylan’s baby, don’t we? It’s going to be here soon.”

  “We have savings,” Uncle Martin said.

  “But savings aren’t going to last forever. By cutting my hours you’re pretty much hiring another full time employee. I know we’re making more money than ever, but that’s not being very frugal, especially with two new lives to care for.” Nathaniel didn’t want to ramble, but he felt it building up inside, silent and creeping. The high strung emotions and the sense of helplessness left him strung out, and his filters came off. “I need to work to help you. To help Dylan. I don’t understand why you’re doing this. This is where I belong.”

  Uncle Martin clapped him on the shoulder, but Dylan didn’t feel like being consoled. He wanted the situation corrected, and he held his head high, determined to hold on for answers. Uncle Martin wasn’t usually so reckless, and although he was sometimes misguided as he struggled to raise an omega nephew suddenly thrust into his care, he was a good man with a good head on his shoulders. Nathaniel didn’t understand why he’d had such a sudden change in heart.

  “I don’t want you gone from the shop, Nate. Not at all. But right now, don’t you think your brother needs you more?”

  Nathaniel pressed his lips together, biting back on what he really wanted to say—that Five Pie was his last salvation from the new, uncomfortable atmosphere at home.

  “With the pregnancy being so advanced, I know he needs help around the house. Besides that, when the baby is born, the two of you will have your hands full. Helping Dylan and the baby is a near full-time job.”

  “So you took me off shift here?” Nathaniel’s hands trembled, but he did his best not to let his anger show anywhere else. Uncle Martin had taken him and Dylan in when they had nowhere else to go, and he’d done his best raising them. Nathaniel owed him his life.

  But he didn’t want this. He didn’t want it at all.

  “You’ll be happy tending to the baby,” Uncle Martin promised. He squeezed Nathaniel’s shoulder. “I know you will.”

  Whether or not Nathaniel liked taking care of babies was beyond the point. The point was that his uncle had gone against his will and made decisions on his behalf that he shouldn’t have.

  The anger trembling in Nathaniel’s hands seeped into his spine and spread. He bit down on his bottom lip, but not even pain could keep the scowl from his face. Uncle Martin dropped his hold on Nathaniel’s shoulder, and Nathaniel tensed to try to hold back words he would regret.

  He was only partially successful.

  “Just because I’m an omega, and just because I happen to appreciate traditional values, doesn’t mean that you can make decisions like that without talking to me about them!” Nathaniel was sure Brandon could hear them, but he didn’t care. At this point, very little mattered apart from his anger. “I deserved to know about this before you went ahead and did it! This is my life you’re redirecting, and… and it’s not right to do this! I’ll stay home and help my brother and the baby if that’s what you want, but you could have at least had the courtesy to talk to me about it face to face. It’s not right!”

  “I know you’re upset, Nate, but you need to calm down,” Uncle Martin said. “It’s not forever. The baby will grow before you know it, and Dylan will start to come out of his shell and take more responsibility, and then you can come back.”

  “So that’s all I am right now?” Nathaniel asked, the reassurance doing more harm than good. “A glorified babysitter? Labor you can fling around wherever you want? I worked hard with you to make sure that Five Pie made it when we were struggling, and I’ve given this place my all, and this is what you’re going to do?”

  “Nate, I know you’re upset, but please calm down…”

  “No.” Nate squared his shoulders. “I’m allowed to feel angry about this. I’m allowed to have emotions. I’m not… not some labor slave you can lob around who doesn’t care where he winds up, or what he does, or how he’s treated. I’m sorry, Uncle Martin, but I’m not happy right now. Not at all. And I need to go.”

  Nathaniel didn’t want to disrespect the man who’d given up so much of his life to care for him, so before he exploded, he brushed past Uncle Martin and exited Five Pie through the door leading to the front. Maria shot him a curious look as he lifted the folding counter blocking the customer side from the employee side, then cut across the dining area to the front doors. Nathaniel didn’t want to go home—not now—but he couldn’t stand being in the shop, either. Until he had himself under control, he needed to wander.

  The bell above the door chimed as he pushed his way through. At this time of day, the streets were busy with people getting off work. Nathaniel blended into the crowd, not particularly caring where he went, as long as it was safe.

  Dylan had been snatched up the same way, he knew. An explosive argument with Uncle Martin had turned into a five year missing persons case. Nathaniel didn’t want to end up the same way.

  Someone grabbed his shoulder.

  Startled, Nathaniel shrieked. He spun around as passersby shot him strange glances only to come face to face with someone familiar.

  Harrison, the doula.

  In the light of the setting sun, Harrison’s brown hair glowed golden around the edges. Stubble lined his chin, kind of messy and unkempt, like he was too distracted to even think about it. Nathaniel’s lips parted. Like a wave crashing ashore and sweeping away sand in its wake, Nathaniel’s anger disappeared.

  Harrison smiled at him, and the rest of the world disappeared.

  “Sorry to scare you,” Harrison said. “I was stopping by to see if you were around, and um, well I saw you leave the shop. I tried to get your attention, but you weren’t noticing, so…”

  Nathaniel breathed in deep. Every alpha had a distinct scent, but there was something in Harrison’s that twisted in his chest and sped his pulse just a little bit faster. A blush crept along Nathaniel’s cheeks, and he dug his heel against the sidewalk, bashful. “Sorry.”

  “No, I should be the one apologizing,” Harrison said. “But um, now that I’ve got your attention, are you on break? Do you want to walk somewhere? I’ve got the rest of the evening to burn, so…”

  “Yes.” Nathaniel didn’t even need to think about it. Spending time with Harrison was exactly what he needed. A calm, soothing, protective presence would help override his jittery anger. And besides, Harrison was a little bit ridiculously handsome. Nathaniel still carried his card in his pocket, his embarrassing crush as strong as ever. “Please.”

  Harrison nodded his head down the street, and just like that, they fell into an easy pace together. For a long time, nothing was said. Then Harrison glanced in Nathaniel’s direction and casually asked, “So what are you doing out here?”

  The floodgates opened, and Nathaniel spilled forth his soul.

  5

  Harrison

  Nathaniel was distressed. Harris
on read it clearly in his posture and heard it quiver in his voice. They walked slowly down the street together, weaving around crowds of people and circumventing the trees that lined the side of the street. Nathaniel’s sweet scent followed, and Harrison allowed himself to relax as he breathed it in.

  It looked like he wasn’t the only one—the tension in Nathaniel’s shoulders loosened, and the rigid way he held himself waned.

  “I had a fight with my uncle,” Nathaniel admitted. “Well, I mean, not so much a fight, but it was… it wasn’t happy. Definitely. Not at all.”

  The way he rambled was adorable. Harrison bit back on a grin as he listened, keeping his comments to himself. He folded his hands into his pockets and followed Nathaniel as he turned a corner, destination unclear.

  “He… ugh. You remember Dylan, right? My brother? We came to see you?”

  “How could I forget?” Harrison asked. “We’re going to be working together through his birth. I would never forget.”

  “Right, well…” Nathaniel sighed. “He’s come to stay with us now, and things have kind of changed at home since he’s been back. It’s a lot more somber and serious now, and I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells not to upset him, because he’s been through so much, and because things trigger him. So… so I enjoy the time I get to spend out of the house, and I’ve been working full-time at Five Pie since I graduated high school.”

  Harrison didn’t think that was so unreasonable at all. They turned another corner and crossed the street. Nathaniel never wandered far from his side.

  “A little more than full-time, if I’m being honest. I work long, hard shifts and I do them often. It helps make sure we keep expenses down, and it means that I’ve got something to keep my mind busy. It makes me feel like I have a purpose, you know? I’m not one of those omegas who wants to compete against alphas in high pressure jobs, or really make some kind of impression on the world. All I want is to find my own happiness in my own quiet ways.”